Long Overdue

Dedicated to Cameron Mo, Michelle Chan, Hannah Chung, Lin Chen, and Justine Yi

Perhaps negotiation won’t do
I’m not going to sink any deeper
No shedding tears in front of you

I need no pity
No guilt-ridden kisses
No clever-worded reassurances
I just need the truth

Yet your form of compromise
Is ignoring the fact
That things have changed

I know you’ve changed

You’re not the boy who calls me
Just to ask me what I’m doing
You’re not the boy who pulls me aside
To embrace me, kiss me
Hello and goodbye
And you’re not the boy
I fell for when
You used to care

Or seemed to care
You cared?

You’re not that boy
Not anymore
You’re not that boy
Not my boy
No more

No more do I want to dwell
Upon the obvious
No more do I want to be angry
At you
At us
At me

Why couldn’t we be perfect
As I imagined us to be?
Why couldn’t you be willing,
And accepting as you ought to be?
Why couldn’t I be worth it;
Solve it, when we finally reached
Our limits?
The tippy-top limit
Our naivety

And I noticed that day
By the red light sign

Abruptly we stopped
Our bodies jerked forward
We sat back and breathed
A sigh
A chuckle

“That was such a close call,”
You had said

Too close
Too close
Too close to the end